“Hail to the Chief” Cures Earworms!

Hail to the Chief

Who knew there were words?

Yeah, I know…You expect bright and pithy things from me here.  And I try.  So let’s take a break from all of that and address something you can put to good use now, and I mean right now, especially if you presently have an earworm coursing though your bright and pithy brain.

An earworm — for those of you who unbelievably don’t know — is a piece of music that repeats endlessly in one’s brain.  It is an ironic sort of nuisance.  It is silent, but still plainly “audible” as it torments in its seemingly never ending loop.

For me, Todd Rundgren songs invoke the curse.  Quirky, sappy Todd Rundgren — the guy that sings (endlessly, in my case) about unrequited love and the desire to “just be friends” — gets stuck in a place in my head where it won’t let go.  Over and over and over and over…

It could drive you to the VFW karaoke stage if you’re no careful.  (And it has.  Regrettably.)

The cure?  Hail to the Chief!

It works 100% of the time, every time and all the time.  You have a little too much Boy George swaying in your dreams, maybe more than you can handle from Abba?  Hum a few bars of Hail to the Chief.  It works!

And it is fun, too.  You can pretend the music is being played for you.  I picture myself in double-breasted suit, straw hat, and a cigar burning to stub.  “And now, ladies and gentleman, the President of the United States!” and I rise up on the stage, waving and thanking my way to the podium.  I also imagine marching high school bands, too — that’s always something fun to do even if you don’t have an earworm — although I’m not sure it is proper for the music to be played anywhere other than official Presidential appearances.  Ho hum.  You don’t have to worry about that.  You are trying to eradicate an earworm!  And that isn’t yet a Federal crime.  (Right?)

I have tested this cure more than once.  I have intentionally played a Todd Rundgren hit, let the music sink in and fester, then when I have had enough I simply drum out four trumpet “ruffles and flourishes” — I have put a link here — and hum the march or melody or whatever it is.

As a matter of fact, I just played “Hello, It’s Me” …just now, really…and squelched the redundant tendencies that song has on me with only a few a bars of “Hail to the Chief.”  It is that effective.

Try it.  It might save your sanity and you are welcome.


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