Who wants to know what I am really good at doing? Well…I do, I want to know. Is anyone else as interested in my as-yet-to-be-discovered potential as I am? Please raise your hand. Queue up. Let me know what I’ve got.
Until then I am working on a list of what is known so far. It is an interesting list. Let’s get started.
I am especially proud of my food container skills. Put me in a kitchen with leftovers on one table and assorted containers on another and I’ll match them up lickety split.
I imagine a situation — let’s call it a crisis — when, like jet planes do today, food containers go missing. I can hear Diane Sawyer saying, “We now turn to ABC News food container expert, Shane Schmidt. Mr. Schmidt, other than sudden shattering caused by being dropped, what else might have happened to the one quart Pyrex lidded bowl?” I’d be wearing a bow tie, have reading glasses hanging around my neck on a lanyard, and make up something. I hope I get that chance soon.
I am also very good at losing things, especially everyday things like gloves, love, money, book bags, and girls named Stacy. Picture this…me on Dr. Phil, now as his co-host, and Dr. Phil is shaming some little snot for suing her parents for not providing her with an Ivy League education and an uptown condo. Phil glares at here and says, “Listen here, Mindy, Dr. Shane has lost more than you’ll ever ask for. Do you see how that puts you on the path of disappointment in life?” Not missing my cue, I’ll sit back, all somber and serious, nodding and doing my best to give Dr. Phil credibility. (“Yes, Mindy…it is true.”) For this performance, I’ll wear an open collar shirt, in shades of pink or blue, a plaid jacket and khaki pants. Not sure about the shoes.
There’s more! (This is fun.) I’m really good at sitting for long stretches at the bar staring out the window waiting for something to happen. I suppose there’s something useful in that. It’s zen like. Cosmic. Very close to the Source. That sort of thing. I think it hints at my inner guru. Sit to the left of me, sit to the right of me. It doesn’t matter. There’s plenty to be learned at the elbow of the Wise One as he watches the shapes of clouds change on the horizon. Just pay attention.
I would mention my propensities for the acts of love, but this isn’t the blog of some old rock star in decline. No, no, no. (Alas, it is not.) Nonetheless, I doubt Rod Stewart has anything on me. That says enough.
Besides all of that, and in no particular order, I am good at walks in the woods, coordinating my accessories, mashing potatoes, reading philosophy, folding paper, forgetting your name, and daydreaming. I’m quite good at wondering if anyone cares, too, anyone at all. And don’t forget breakfast. I make a great breakfast. It is all about being persistent, practiced, and patient…all of which describes me to a lesser or a greater degree.
I think what I have written so far is a good enough study of what I am good at for now. Perhaps later I should focus on what I am not good at. However that will take some planning. Nothing comes to mind. So move on to whatever…
Until whatever comes next, help me out here, what am I really good at?