What Drought? Think Like a Conservative.

The Great Flood! God Drowns Everyone

The Great Flood! God Drowns Everyone 

It is raining in California.  In fact people in California are concerned about floods.  Now I don’t know about you, but I find it awfully suspicious that we are worrying about floods during a “drought.”  Look, scientists need funding, especially drought scientists, are they going to get funding if we don’t have to worry about droughts?  Do we fund the study of unicorns?  No.  So you can see what’s going on here.  The hysterics about a drought is a bunch of hooey, designed to get more of your money to bloat an overgrown government and force you to eat dinner with gays.

Of course I am joking and if you are not a conservative you’re intelligent enough to detect the joke, but if you’re a conservative you’re probably feeling a bit confused.  You are saying, “Hey, he’s right!” and also saying “Waiting a minute, what is satire?”

Conservatives — god save us — think like puppies, every day is a new day with no connection to a past and no direction toward a future.  These are not strong sequential thinkers, they are not able to connect events and logically draw conclusions.  Abstract is synonymous with obtuse.

Think about it.  Climate change deniers come to mind in my little game, a fun little game that even a child can play.  But what about the economy or politics?  Do we do any better?

Sadly, no, and examples abound, but let’s take opinions about President Obama and the economy for a simple example.

When Barack Obama first took office the economy was in free fall, but in the mind of conservatives, it is Obama’s economy.  The reasoning is simple to accept if you only believe in the moment.  The past, the future?  What’s that?  Reasoning today is hardly anything like critical thinking at all.  Instead of critical thinking, defensive thinking has taken over.

More broadly, we can look at decades of failed conservative political policies — embraced on both the right and the left, alas — as an outcome of defensive thinking.  We suffer the horrible results and refuse to change.  Many Americans — too many Americans — continue to think that government is our problem.  Why?  Well…look!  We still have a government and we still have problems.  Bingo.

Yes, we are that ridiculous.  No satire there.  It’s the Reagan Legacy.

Even puppies grow up to become dogs and start to figure things out.   We can wish that conservatives start thinking at least as deeply as does a dog.  Unfortunately the closest we seem to get to dog-thinking from the right is strict dogma.  And simple stupidity.

We can do better.

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3 thoughts on “What Drought? Think Like a Conservative.

  1. Gary Farland

    I would say that what is missing with the fundamentalist conservatives is a lack of intellectual honesty, which allows their fears and egos to be manipulated by the Establishment, especially by Roger Ailes of the Fox News Channel. Also, the main thing going on is the tapping in to the peasant paranoia. First it was the Devil, then Communism, then the Muslims, and now it is government itself. And this paranoia is more than an opinion — it is a deep, subconscious fear stimulated by cleaver propagandists. Like the fear of Jews being used to turn people into psychopathic murderers.

  2. roboslater

    Just provide the science to conservatives. Explain how politics plays no role in drought management. They vote, you know. You can always mock and humiliate fellow Americans so other liberal will like you in your next article.

    1. Tour Guide Post author

      Point taken. Unfortunately there is no evidence that facts and arguments matter a whit to those hell bent on holding their opinions as rigid principles. And there are people at fault across the political spectrum. However it is difficult to see any parity between left and right when it comes to plain obstinance and willful stupidity. Poll after poll shows a higher level of disregard for facts and science on the right than the left. Maybe it is just my opinion, but I see that as an increasingly political problem.

      But you’re right, name calling doesn’t open the door. I’ll try to be “nicer” about it.


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