Fixing the Twin Cities Winter Driving Problems


2014-01-26 16.46.21While crawling northward on Hennepin Avenue through Uptown this morning, I had plenty of time to think about a solution to the Twin Cities winter driving problems…I had nearly 40 minutes, to be exact, with more time to study the problem as I tried to get to eastbound 94.

The solution is simple, maybe too simple to be obvious, it is Restricted Winter Driving Privileges.

Some drivers would be cleared to drive when conditions are rough while others would not.  Here’s how it would work.

In the restricted class would be people with bad driving records or cars that are not up to winter conditions as would any young woman residing in — or recently relocated from — the suburbs, especially Burnsville.   Other drivers in this restricted class are foaming men who would otherwise being riding Pinarello bicycles in spandex Tour De France costumes…and their mothers.  And just because I think anyone who admires Quentin Tarantino’s films is easily swayed by the opinions of other, they’re restricted too.  We don’t need people on the road who are constantly seeking the approval others, do we?  I think not!


In the unrestricted class — those people qualified with the skills to drive in the winter — would be me, of course, and anyone who drives responsibly (and with purpose), and who can properly merge in heavy traffic.  These drivers, like me, naturally embrace the practice of courteous driving, so there is no need to say they would be respectful, but that too.

Many of the problems on Minnesota’s roads has little to do with the condition of the roads and plenty to do with the absent minded fools and lunatics driving on them.  Fewer nincompoops behind the wheel would make a big difference.

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One thought on “Fixing the Twin Cities Winter Driving Problems

  1. MistressCinder

    Maybe you could add priority personel to that list. My sister works at Gillette Children’s Hospital and my brother is a fire fighter. They both have to be at work regardless of the weather conditions.


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