Perhaps there is nothing I relish more than deep sleep, especially a quick and easy fall into thick dreams and all the wonderful stuff that make them real.
In dreams no shirts hang on the doors, no books stand stacked beside the bed…no lamps, no dressers, no walls and no windows. Nothing really. Nothing but the unexpected. I am not even sure I have a name.
And I feel completely at home with that.
White tiger stew and clouds burning above an empty canyon…that just seems odd. That’s all. When the tigers leap from the cauldron and splash viciously in the spilled broth…that’s just something I have never seen before. That’s all. And what are those burning clouds all about? I have never seen anything like that before. It doesn’t even occur to me to ask why. Burning clouds. There is no need to question any of it because it is all there…right there…and it is real. Nothing more, nothing less. I exist genuinely in the dream. I don’t have to ask why. There is freedom in that.
And so dreams are not without purpose. Dreams prepare us for things. We learn to live like ghosts. Travelling while never arriving, returning while never belonging. Being without doing.
Dreams take the dreamer, never the other way around.
So I think of those dreams when I am back home to another part of the world where I lived once. People, places, and things are all different, but familiar. I know the old school even though it isn’t my school. The desert and pools and mountains and streets are all different, but I know them perfectly. I feel home again, but out of place. It is a melancholy happiness that satisfies in a sad way. It is lonely and distant, but familiar and happy and I don’t want to leave. Isn’t that a ghostly life?
Emotions have a hard time taking root in that sort of paradox. I can’t help but think that there is a lesson there.
There’s more I want to write about this; a lot more, I think. In fact I should hold off before hitting “publish.” But what the hell? I can always pull this back in the morning. Maybe we can all wake up together! Until then…
Bring back the tigers!