I’m toxic, aren’t I? Any chance to make amends with mothers in my past or employers in my future are shot to hell with artillery fired straight off this blog.
I just dumped out that bag the night before last. Tonight, less than forty-eight hours later, it contains two empty orange juice cartons, an empty milk carton, several empty diet coke cans, and several empty liter bottles of Gerolsteiner.
I love the Gerolsteiner, by the way, can’t get enough of it. I buy it by the case, fifteen beautiful bottles at a time, a crisp clear life-giving luxury. As a matter of fact, this post is nothing but celebrating my affair with Gerolsteiner. What could be better?
Well, a girl I once knew would bring over fruit-flavored fizzy water, but that water has gone flat and those days are over…
So it is Gerolsteiner!
And as I train for my Lenten sabbatical from booze — allowing for appropriate exceptions, of course — I understand that all I need is a glass of something in front of me and I’m fine. Wine or soda water, it really doesn’t seem to make a difference. Perhaps people won’t notice.
Drinking water, after all, is the only thing I can do on the sly. (And, as you can guess, that is disappointing.) People are always harping: Drink more water, drink more water, drink more water…but her I am, a recreational user of Alka Seltzer, drinking water by the liter every hour and still I hear drink more water. No one seems to notice. Or maybe like so many other things, they just don’t give a flying leap. Hey, you! Drink this!
This is what I have for you today. My little brother Gary already informed me that I need to be more disciplined and maybe he has a point. The guy has to have a point once in a while. But don’t wear yourself down, we have big things working over here at A Little Tour in Yellow and I just might tell you about one or two of them. Plus I am bored, terribly terribly bored. I’m pishy poshy, too, and worried about kidney stones or whatever you get when you drink too much mineral water. (Actually, just the opposite is true. See below.)
Good night, sleep well, and drink your water.