If You Want to Offend People…

I have been diligently working (not really) on my thoughtful post “Gun Nuts Are Called Gun Nuts Because They Are Gun Nuts” and it occurs to me that I have found a simple approach to offending people, both gun nuts and otherwise, but I imagine especially gun nuts.  Especially if they are rednecks.

Not at all what I had in mind.  Who's in charge of casting around here...?

Not at all what I had in mind. Who’s in charge of casting around here…?

Oh, god…I’m sorry.  (See I am getting better at this already.  You can too!)

Here’s what you do.  You write instructive vignettes to illustrate the madness of anti-regulation, pro-gun talking points and name your characters by randomly opening the Bible and picking out names.

Take note:  This is a sure way to ruin an argument and make enemies, but if you haven’t been in junior high for a while, this is close to the next best thing.

“Ezion!  What did I tell you about pointing that gun at your brother in the house?  Take little Zophar outside when you play with your guns!”  (Learning gun safety at a young age.)

Tee hee.  See?  Let’s try another.

“Gun violence don’t exist, Jethro.”

“Is that right Bezalee?”

“Certainly is, son; guns do one of two things…function or fail.  Violence comes from the heart.”

Tee hee hee…I could go on all night.

By the way, while searching for a gun safety image, I did find a gun safety program being researched at North Dakota State University that I’ll link here.  It makes sense.

I’ll also link to the NRA’s Eddie Eagle GunSafe program.  Credit earned is credit due, right?

But you can imagine my disappointment when no one cited in these articles was named Joseph or Dan … or Eli or Jethro…

As an aside — something I am good at recently — I do hope these people have a sense of humor.


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