(Editor’s Note: Mr. Shane is on a break from politics, his walks in the woods, and other things that people read about here. He is taking this break to enjoy time with his weaker thoughts and fantasies. Mr. Shane’s regular posts will return sometime in the near future.)
I seem to be missing a lot of stuff. Like pajamas. All I can find are my swinger pajamas, the paisley silk pajamas I wear to parties. And my better bed sheets have gone and gotten themselves lost. Then I was thinking, I haven’t seen that tortoise shell fountain pen in a long time…
Usually I blame women. But who’s kidding anyone around here?
It must be the mice! I have to give them credit. (I underestimated the little vermin.) They are smarter and sneakier than I first guessed and I have to be just that much smarter.
I don’t have to see them to know they are here. I don’t even need to find signs of them littering the space beneath my sink. I only need to start noticing things gone missing. It’s called deduction. I think.
But why would they take sheets and pajamas, I wonder? The fountain pen is obvious. They want to write something. Pajamas and bed sheets though? That makes a guy wonder.
Anyway, I am going to ponder that while I put together tomorrow’s To Do list. Yes, I am back to that idea again. Honestly…In the place of a responsible adult in my life, a thoughtful, neatly written list will have to suffice.
Here’s what I have so far:
- Library card (I want one)
- Dry Cleaning
- Gerolsteiner (It is bottled German water and I am out)
- Check work calendar and follow through (i.e., keep appointments)
- Set next week’s appointments.
- Call Tammy
- Clean table (i.e., my desk)
- Finish Moby Dick
- Buy a shirt
- Go to happy hour (just in case I forget)
There now, that looks like a complete and satisfying day! I’m even looking forward to it. In fact I will get a jump on some of it yet tonight. I will likely finish Moby Dick, for example…after I take a short nap. I might even clean my table — it has collected a mess of paper — and I’ll sort my laundry and dry cleaning.
Posh! I am looking forward to tomorrow and it has already begun, while sitting here outwitting unseen mice in my best silk pajamas! Olé, olé, olé!
(Don’t fall too deep. After all, it really doesn’t matter. Does it?)
- Carter’s Pajama Sets and Footed Pajamas Only $7.04 Shipped (Regularly $22!) (hip2save.com)
- Party of Entitled Rich Threatens Economy (inthesetimes.com)
- Lindsay Lohan’s Alleged Victim is Aggravated, Swollen, Doesn’t Want to Leave the House (abcnews.com)
- 100 Notable Books of 2012 (nytimes.com)