Holy smokes. That was close. I damn near posted a petty diatribe about poorly dressed men shopping for groceries at my local grocery. I am not sure what got into me. But it started like this:
I don’t think adult men — especially middle-aged men, but it really doesn’t matter — should be out shopping for groceries in baggy basketball shorts and flip-flops. It looks stupid. It looks especially stupid in Minnesota in October.
I am picking on a class of men who should know better and certainly can dress better. It’s the contrived nonchalance that drives me nuts, completely without irony. Put on some goddamn clothes! Dressing like a teenage boy conflicts with a tasteful aesthetic. Plus it is cold outside.
Thank god I didn’t post that!
I seem to have clothes from college hanging in my closet still, and this tie was tucked away — dust free — between some old shirts. (Never throw away anything!)
What a great tie. In college my fraternity brothers borrowed it…my tie! I knew nothing of ties, but this one was a hit. Think of it. A Guess? tie, which of course I thought was awfully cool.
I wore it today. It still looks sharp as a tack. Still awfully cool.
I wore it today while grocery shopping, as a matter of fact, while standing next to a clod in baggy basketball shorts and a thin grey sweatshirt. Flip-flops too. And a cheap clam shell cell phone. Talking to his wife…or somebody…to tell her that he was buying ham. Who the fuck cares? Get some pants. Wear some shoes. Get off the goddamn phone. Go see your wife, hand in ham, and say “I love you, dear! Here is some ham.” Don’t call her on your cheap little phone and piss me off looking like that…
I think I missed a pill today.
- Esquire:How Not to Tie Your Tie, James Bond Edition (esquire.com)
- Secrets of Bow Tie Sales (fixturescloseup.com)
- Armani Periodic Table of Ties (fixturescloseup.com)
- Dress to your body shape whilst on a budget: top tips (savethemoney.co.uk)
- What not to wear to work: flip-flops (cosmopolitan.co.uk)
- My Wedding Dress Doesn’t Fit and I Feel Crazy but My Shower Rocked, What a Weekend Baby: 1 (weddingbee.com)
- Stop Catcalling Me (thoughtcatalog.com)
- How To Save Money At The Grocery (fldebtconsolidation.com)