Now some people might say my opinions are a bit biased, but I don’t know why anyone would say that. They might also suggest that I do generalize a bit too easily. Really? No, no no. Pish posh. That’s just silly. And I am going to prove it.
Yesterday I went to the Minnesota State Fair and lingered at the GOP booth. I like to do this, especially with a few anti-Marriage Amendment and pro-Democratic buttons pinned to my shirt. I also like to see how long I can hold my breath. (I don’t know, but those people must have caught something and I don’t want it.) So picture me there, holding my breath turning shades of red and holding a half-full cup of pale ale, too, while I eagerly look for action.
I am an observant guy and I seek out the truth. So I linger and watch and wait and so on. I want something to happen, after all I always look for facts that I can share with you. And year after year I keep giving these people a second chance and each year I am disappointed. Certainly their politics are wrong — bad thinking leads to bad politics — but why the hell can’t these people get fashion right?
Come on folks! Have some style. Who dresses you, Nurse Ratched?
I exhale and leave.
Here is an indisputable fact…if you see a stylish, well-dressed (maybe even sexy…definitely if sexy) person at the Minnesota State Fair, they’re a liberal. I’ll take that fact one step farther, if you see a stylish, well-dressed (and most definitely if they’re sexy) person anywhere, they are a liberal. And I can prove it with one visit at the fair.
Certainly there are some liberals with closets best suited for the 80s, I don’t deny that — I might even be one of them — but I challenge you to find a conservative with any fashion sense. I only speak the truth, so prove me wrong.
Let’s start with the basics.
Your typical conservative congressman, as an example, matches his belt and shoes only because someone told him to do so. Whereas a liberal finds fashionable ways to mix it up. And pulls it off. Look back at any of the Republican debates earlier this year. If there are people who can make a standard blue suit look bad, that’s your gang. Clearly they watch episodes of Dragnet for tips on style and poise. Dare them to mix patterns or try a European cut.
I do have to give George W. Bush some credit, though. He appeared to have a tailor. And a good one. Of course he wore his suits like a coat hanger — Jack Webb would have been proud — but then a suit of clothes doesn’t make the man. Often the other way around. And we know other issues swirl around and through George W that a suit cannot fix.
But this is simple stuff, clothes are clothes, so let’s go back again to the fair where I can prove my point.
The GOP booth was a raging bore. A few folks with bad hair (once again, check out the people conservatives elect, cf. Kurt Zellers?) and even worse t-shirts stood around catching flies or awaiting the Rapture, I couldn’t tell which. It was disappointing. These people were lost in their own little cloudy cocoons, being extra careful not to make eye contact. I couldn’t find anyone to talk with me. Instead they wandered to and fro as if they had been at the Kool-Aid just a bit too long. An absolute disaster over there at the GOP, but that should surprise no one.
The DFL booth on the other hand was busy with happy, energetic good people. Most of them were hot as hell, too. Even I felt a little sexy over there with the Democrats. And of course there was no arguing with my Black Fleece gingham shirt, pressed linen pants, polished shoes, and jaunty hat. Clearly not a conservative, because even if it didn’t quite work, I at least tried. (When was the last time a conservative tried ANYTHING…other than taking away your public services and limiting your rights, that is?)
Now let’s go up the street where the anti-marriage rights people have a booth and…you know what…I’m not even going to pick on these people, not their sense of style or anything else. I genuinely felt a little sorry for them. Their politics, however, are fair game.
(By the way, if I remember correctly, they are sporting a bad shade of aqua at that booth. Aqua? Maybe it was Gatorade green.)
The anti-marriage rights booth was dead, just as that amendment surely is dead. For the record here, the amendment is commonly called the “Marriage Amendment,” which is an example of conservative talent with Owellian Doublespeak.
The pro-rights people — the people correctly opposing this soi disant Marriage Amendment — attract quite a crowd. It is a large, busy, and — even at the Minnesota State Fair — socially diverse crowd. People actually wait in line to sign a petition, and none of them were wearing grey air-brushed t-shirts showing F-15 fighter jets flying through a bad collage of American flags, eagles, and Mount Rushmore. I felt kind of sexy here, too.
In fact, I think I can close the circle on this discussion right now. Is it simply the fact that liberals have a better sense of style that makes them more attractive or is it something else? Likewise, does bad art silk-screened on a cheap shirt or a DIY haircut really make one unattractive or is it something else? Sarah Palin spent $70,000 at Neiman Marcus here in Minneapolis and it didn’t seem to help her. Maybe it is her glasses or her screeching, whining voice…I don’t know. But I think I do know…
Using Sarah Palin as an example — a woman whose sense of style cannot be saved by the fashion forward efforts of Neiman Marcus’s talented sales people — we see that style isn’t so much about what you wear but who you are. In the current epoch of American Conservativism, I can go to the GOP pound year after year and not find a winner in that show. Look at Sarah. Even a stylish Armani suit cannot overcome her wooden, Team America persona. She might impress a knuckle-dragger, but she does nothing for me.
The progressive thinking people at the anti-Marriage Amendment booth, on the other hand, possess something entirely different. There’s nothing wooden about them. They possess a degree of thoughtfulness and intelligence. And intelligence is attractive. Therefore the good liberal people lining up and crowding around the booth are attractive. They have style! They have panache! Sadly it seems it will be a long time — in a galaxy far, far away? — before you will be able to say that about conservatives again.
So there you have it. You can go see it for yourself. Why are liberals sexy and attractive? Because they have style. And why do they have style? Because it is all about smarts and good thinking. Go out there and be sexy today!
- Gay Marriage Campaign Comes to Minn. State Fair (kstp.com)
- How to survive (and still enjoy) the Minnesota State Fair (thesweethealthylife.wordpress.com)
- The Fascinating Differences Between The Conservative and Liberal Personality | Alternet (mbcalyn.com)
- How Conservatism Lost Its Mind (theamericanconservative.com)