Surviving Post-Democratic America: Tip 3

As we approach the end of America as we have known it for several generations, preparation is important.   The darkness of ignorance and paranoia is creeping ever closer and no…I’m sorry…the private sector is not going to save the day.

Nonetheless the private sector — the epitome of efficiency and the singular resource of so-called Job Creators — will have plenty for you to do.  Let’s not think the private sector won’t save something.  Someday, for example, lucky workers might be at restaurants clearing tables for the families of Chinese doctors who are over here offering cut-rate medical care to underserved and desperate Americans.

You will want to thank Republicans.

If they have their way, however, you won’t be able to thank them with a card sent through the mail, especially if you choose to live in a rural area or maybe a depressed part of a metro region, of which there certainly will be plenty.  We are “starving the beast,” cutting government inefficiency, and turning it all over to the magic of the private sector.  The target now:  The United States Postal Service.

So one should ask:  If we don’t have today’s postal service, how will you send a thank you card to a Republican?  That’s the subject of this tip.

But my example — sending a thank you to a Republican — is purely cynical and not very realistic anyway.  Thank you card?  Republican?  Do you really think one would read it anyway?  No thanks.

So let’s say you want to send letters and cards to Grandma in the future.  She’ll likely have some time to read between working in the kitchen at McDonalds or scrubbing floors at the Hanting Inn.  Even in Post-Democratic America seniors will be given some time each day to enjoy retirement.  Even prisoners get a little R&R, at least they do today.  How do you get your cards to Grandma?  Here are some ideas.

First, start saving today.  Set aside a jar or maybe a small savings account that collects a couple dollars every week.  This way when it comes time to spend…oh, I don’t know what the market will demand in a few years, but let’s look at today and what a less-competitive market might do, so let’s say you will need $15 to get a flat envelope to grandma.  If you save, when it comes time to send your cards you will have the money you need.

Imagine the joy Grandma will experience when she opens her FedEx envelope and finds — not an eviction notice or statement from a too-big-to-fail bank explaining that her credit interest rate jumped yet again and now is at 30% — but a card from you!  She might even cry a little.  Relief can unleash heavy emotions.

Second, you might consider consolidating your mailing.  Presuming that you can still send several ounces of paper in one flat envelope, you might send cards for several occasions in one mailing.  Birthday, Mother’s Day, Christmas, a sympathy card after Grandpa’s funeral…you get the idea…send them all in one pack, but be sure to put cute little notes on them, such as “Don’t Open Until December 25!”  or “Don’t Open Until Grandpa Dies!”

You might even consolidate cards from different people in one mailing.  Think of the fun cousins will have sharing an envelope to Grandma, as an example.  Imagine how amazed the kids will be when you tell them stories of single cards going into individual envelopes and being sent directly to Grandma’s house for less than half a buck.  (Be aware, however, they won’t believe you.  They might even turn you in for your anti-American socialist thoughts.)

Consolidating cards can be smart, efficient, and financially responsible.  Isn’t that the American way?  And think of the stock holders who will be grateful too.  Hey!  Maybe they’ll send you a thank you card!  (NB  We don’t have to lose our sense of humor in Post-Democratic America…in fact, it might be all we’ve got.  Cherish the thought.)

Finally, as some of you know, I am reading Moby Dick and maybe an idea from the past is a great idea for the future.  Back in the whaling days ships would go to sea with letters and news from home ports addressed to sailors at sea.  The idea being when two ships met they might get lucky and have a chance to exchange a note from home with a sailor should chance bring them together.

If you can still afford to drive across country on a family vacation, for example, you might load up a sack of mail on behalf of your friends and neighbors.  When you pull over for gas and see another family, call out, “Hey!  Any Andersons in your car?  How about Pietruszewskis?”  Make sure your concealed hand gun is at the ready, however; you never know, you might be approaching undercover Muslims infiltrating the American way of life.

Yes, neighbor helping neighbor deliver the mail.  I think they called these meetings gams back in Melville’s day.  Let’s gam again!  Isn’t this a quaint and very American way of helping each other?  (Shhh…Don’t say anything out loud about helping a neighbor in Post-Democratic America.  Unfortunately the conservative American Taliban might not like it.  They’re too self-sufficient, you know.)

As you can see, overcoming the decline of America is easy and even a bit of fun when you plan and use a little creativity.  The majority of people voting GOP today will need these tips, too, although you might have to read these tips to them…and explain.  They might wonder, for example, why FedEx doesn’t deliver to the family compound of tar paper shacks on a wind-blown prairie for less than $50 when they only have $10.  (Ah, the good life!  The joy of living a myth.)  Explain slowly and with care.  These are not the most rational people, as their votes today prove.

So if we’re going to give our great country over to the power of economic oligarchies, let’s not waste time fighting it.  Let’s look for ways to survive it.  Take responsibility.  Be a good citizen.  Make more with less.

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