Climate, Geopolitics, and The Truth

Coat of arms of the Union of Soviet Socialist ...

Be Afraid.

Think the Cold War has ended?  Not me.

I don’t care what George H. W. Bush once said, I’m not buying it.  I know a lot of you will claim to have visited post-Soviet era Europe and all of its “former” Soviet domain, but it will take a lot more than scratchy video of people from central casting costumed in Members Only knock-off jackets swinging sledge hammers at a wall of graffiti-covered concrete to believe that that signaled the reunification of Germany.  Casting got it wrong anyway.  Those “rebels” all looked Lithuanian, not German…but it is the tenor, if not the detail, that matters.

And China?  Well, I think the Global Conspiracy runs China anyway.  Hu Jintao even dresses like Richard Nixon.  Americans frantically invest in China while The Conspiracy hoards the wealth of the West in kimchi pots buried all over China…or is it in Korea?  I don’t know.  I’m just suspicious.  And paranoid.

But I have my facts and one fact that cannot be denied:  Our climate has changed and it is not good.

We are enduring the worst winter ever here in Minnesota.  Worst ever.  The VERY worst winter ever.  And we’re supposed to believe it all has something to do with excessive carbon dioxide in the atmosphere caused by human activity, things like burning fossil fuels.  We know that isn’t true, however, because Republicans say it is true.  (Leave my campfire alone!)

So there has to be another answer and as I see it that answer is obvious.  The Soviets are responsible.  But, you say, the Soviet Union ceased to exist in 1991.  Ah ha!  That’s were I got you.  Because if the Cold War isn’t over, perhaps the Soviet Union isn’t over either.  Think about it.   Control the climate and you control the world.  We all know the Soviet Union wanted to control the world, right? and we see the climate changing and…need I go further?

No, I think nothing has changed other than our climate and — surprise, surprise — our country’s global economic power.  We have to share more, for crying out loud!

So I don’t see the end of Soviet influence, instead I see it everywhere…I see crazy Soviet scientists in some officially nonexistent city standing over their weather machines flipping switches and spinning dials.  Guys named Vladislavor Yuri assisted by a special East German alchemist

named Blaz.

Snow in Minnesota?  Nope!  Sleet instead for you and very little of it.  It makes sense.  It is the Butterfly Effect to economic ruin.  First kill off the winter sports economy and watch the rest of the Western economy tumble like dominoes.  Yes, the Cold War warriors had it right when they feared the domino effect, but they shouldn’t have been targeting Vietnam and Chile, they should have been watching the damn weather!

Don’t be distracted by scientists and politicians…or even trips overseas!  Step outside and feel the Truth!  Something is amiss.  It doesn’t snow anymore, lakes don’t freeze, and the sun shines too much.  None of this is good.  It must be the fault of someone and their evil ambitions.  It cannot be any other way.  It has to be the Soviets.  Duck and cover.

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