Buffalo Wings and Burger Jones

Bowl of "Wings"

A Random Shot of Wings from Wikipedia.

I am not a chicken wing eater.  In fact I am not entirely sure how to capitalize Buffalo wings regardless of whether I eat wings or not.  Until tonight I had no reason to care.   But now I do.

(I presume the capital B is correct for Buffalo wings not because of the franchise but because of the city (Buffalo, NY).  And we don’t really give a rat’s ass about the bison we call buffalo…not enough to make a proper name of buffalo which really is bison bison and I am quite certain that is the taxonomically correct designation of America’s bison and/or buffalo, all in lower case.  So let’s go with Buffalo for the city.)

Tonight I had a happy hour treat at Burger Jones, a restaurant belonging to the Parasole Group of restaurants in Minneapolis and the one earning the distinction of most half-ass restaurant name and equally lame logo.  I am starting to like the place however.  It is cozy, comfortable, and safe…unlike the women I love…so I tend to frequent the place.

Tonight I had a moment of weakness and ordered the wings.  I was hungry.  But let me tell you, this was different.

These wings had panache.  They tasted almost Szechuan.  A nice even spiciness that made me feel like I was eating more of a meal that a cheap bar appetizer.  They serve it with a blue cheese cole slaw that made me wet my feet.  It was so good.  I had two, then three, and then converted to wing lover forever.  I loved it so much, in fact, that I ordered another half dozen.  And that is where the night came undone.

Picture this:  Raiders of the Lost Ark.  Remember what happens when the Nazi officers see what is inside the Ark of the Covenant? They swoon with pleasure.  It is so beautiful.  Remember?  Then their faces melt away.

The wings at Burger Jones are exactly like this.

That first half-dozen were unbelievably good.  The idea that blue cheese and cabbage could be so good never crossed my mind.  Yours?  And that tangy Szechuan spice in the Buffalo sauce…what a perfect touch for a tacky treat?  I expected a finger bowl.  So unexpectedly good, I ordered another six.  Then what happened?

Too much.

My napkin was stained orange.  My hands were as gummy as a six-year-old’s.  And my teeth felt soft and my gut felt softer.

You just can’t eat a lot of that stuff!  It isn’t good for you.  As I sit here now I wonder where I went wrong.  How could I have given in to the vice of excess?

Here’s a tip.  Keep a notebook.  I have a small Moleskine that I carry.  In it I make notes of things I eat, carefully noting things like good ideas gone bad.  I might not take out my notebook and review everything before ordering every meal.  In fact that exactly is not what I do.

But from time to time I page through the notebook and remind myself of good ideas as well as the bad ones.  So the next time I decide to order a heaping plate of Buffalo wings, I think I’ll leave that for more hearty appetites.  After all, if you do indeed like wings, I believe you cannot go wrong at Burger Jones.  I just happen to not like Buffalo wings generally, and certainly not enough to rise up and properly appreciate what is a damn good wing.


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