Quick…Somebody Hit Me

Audrey Tautou

Audrey Tautou

I just tricked myself into wasting 140 mind-numbing minutes watching The Da Vinci Code

The only thing controversial about that film is its place in legitimate cinema.  People make money making films like that?  Why the hell aren’t I making films?  Or you, for that matter?   Jesus, Mary, and Joseph I could do better filming myself sleeping for 140 minutes.  My story would be more plausible, my performance more believable.  I might even mutter some interesting dialogue in my sleep which would qualify me for an Academy Award for Best Writing in comparison with that Da Vinci movie. 

What’s-his-name was totally flat, but Audrey Tautou was totally hot (but silly, it’s a silly film)…because she’s French.  That’s all the film had going for it. 

I did wake up at one point and noticed Ian McKellen in the film.  That raised my hopes for a moment and I tried to stay awake to see what he might be doing in the film, but I drifted back into my coma during his first escape scene.  And that actor Paul Bettany, playing the flagellant Silas, wasn’t bad; at least he got to hurt himself during the film, certainly as a kind of atonement or distraction from the pain he was helping create on film.  (I’m convinced that all of Mr. Bettany’s blood was for real…maybe “sangreal”…as in the film…you know, the royal blood that I didn’t follow in the film.  Oh fucking stop!  I am starting to think like a Da Vinci Codean.)

Did I just use the F word?  That might change my WordPress rating. 

Anyway…that film was an embarrassment.  I can wake up tomorrow morning, get dressed up to play grown up, and whatever I do after that I know it will not be as bad as what was done when Ron Howard made The Davinci Code. 

Where is Ron?  I want to talk to him.   I’m going to take a nap.  Does he have a camera?

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One thought on “Quick…Somebody Hit Me

  1. Yu No Hu

    If you muttered something in your sleep, it wouldn’t have been dialogue. You gotta have two people at least for that. I’m not sure but I don’t think two people muttering in their sleep would be dialogue. I don’t know the rule on that. If you were taking a nap alone on the couch whatever you muttered in your sleep would just be muttering in your sleep.

    Reply

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