Cover of "Lord of the Flies, Educational ...

Cover of Lord of the Flies, Educational Edition


I had a meeting at a school today.  I think it was a school.  “Academy” was part of the name of the place.  But it didn’t look like any school I ever knew.     

First off, I will never get used to the idea of classrooms not outfitted with slate blackboards and I think carpet is a bad idea in schools, especially grade schools.  And there are too many grown ups running about fussing over the kids; parents, I presume.  And tell me what has happened to school attire?  Nearly all the kids wore shorts.  That’s not appropriate.  The teachers — or whatever they were — didn’t dress much better.  Those ridiculous ropy things they wear around their necks with ID badges and other nonsense have to go…just looks stupid, like cheesy conventioneers on a tacky Las Vegas junket.  One plain-looking woman did wear a nice skirt, however…if I were a teacher’s aide I would spend a lot of time talking to her.  But the rest of the scene?  A disaster.     

A strange sort of organized chaos seemed to rule the place, something like Lord of the Flies.  Kids appear to wander at will and did so quite often to check me out.  I thought I might be tied to a stake at any moment and put before a tribunal of youthful zealots.  The teachers — or whatever they were — seemed to be there only to ensure no little castaway got off the island.  Not a difficult task, the doors were mostly blocked by mini-mobs of eight-year-olds, all dressed in de rigueur red polos and khaki shorts.     

And who are these kids anyway?  Names like Aubrey, Alexa, Denton, Maureaux, Lincoln, and Caleb?  What happened to Joe, John, Mary, and Jane?  

I presume these kids were learning something.  Open boxes overflowing with crayons, markers, and glue sticks were left randomly on the floor; stacks of text books lined the walls, and some teacher’s aide — or something — was doing something with a compass and protractor.  But the only time I saw these kids corralled into anything resembling order was just before one of the adults lined them up before taking them outside for a walk…maybe they had to pee.   

It must be a good school or academy or whatever it is because there were two parents carefully completing applications for enrollment.  Perhaps parents don’t really worry much about chaos and disorder as long as it is happening away from home surrounded by books and art supplies.  Maybe they just like the idea of a simple school wardrobe.  But honestly…what has happened to schools?     

Other than that, I got bitten by a lot of mosquitos.  All in all, a fulfilling day.     


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