Friday Night and a Contest

No sales today, but I actually got some “sales positive” tasks accomplished, things like getting payments from clients and correcting production errors. I also burned the phone lines with a torrent of slick sales calls. And I lost an account to a colleague who claims to have closed a sale a couple days ahead of me. I have my doubts about this and while I’m sure U No Hoo would love to hear the story, I’m going to save it for now. I’ll write more about sales in a moment.

First I want to cover a trend that annoys me a bit. It causes me to question my authority even with my own personal life and experiences. I am beginning to feel flimsy if not invisible. In recent weeks it seems that Arizona keeps coming up in conversations…work, friends, at the bar…maybe it’s the heat we’re having. I have started to initiate conversations about Arizona just to see what happens because usually what happens is someone corrects me about something I say about Arizona. Why is this annoying? I lived there for ten years…almost exactly 10 years to the day.

Usually weather stories get corrected. I explain the monsoon or the mountain snows or dust storms…something like that…and I’m told something like “Oh, no, that’s not right. Phoenix only gets a thunderstorm once every five years or so.” Or maybe “It doesn’t snow in Sedona.” Jerome a little old mining town on the north side of Mingus Mountain? Nope, it is over by Flagstaff. The Cardinals played football at Sun Devil Stadium? Impossible. It was the University of Arizona stadium in Phoenix.

I explain to people that I lived in Arizona, attended ASU, and actually watched a football game or two and then I get a reluctant shrug and a “well, ok…”

But I rarely win weather arguments. Minnesotans are damn stubborn about weather authority. “No, no…it is more humid in June than August in Phoenix.”

The best comparison I have from my experience is New Orleans. I have been there five times in my life and a three of those visits lasted for more than a week. I can get around my limited scope of New Orleans fairly well, but I would never correct a native or even someone who had lived there for a year or two on the correct pronunciation of beignet or suggest that it doesn’t rain in July simply because I met someone who mispronounced beignet on my rainless July New Orleans vacation.

(Of course I still have friends in New Orleans who do not recall me leg wrestling a particular friend’s fiancé on the dirt floor of some old bar. Ok, maybe I am mis-remembering the dirt floor, but I’m sure I was leg wrestling unless I was maybe having a seizure of some sort. Strange things have happened to me there. I have seen a ghost at Jean Lafitte’s. No big deal. Just a fluttering thing.)

I am straying here…So let me get back on track.  I am getting a little frustrated with being corrected on my knowledge of what was my home state for ten precious years. Tomorrow when I am whoring around some bar I will make a point to draw an erroneous comparison between our weather in Minnesota with the weather in Arizona and report on what happens.

Until then, how about a picture. This is what I look like when I am sitting on a park bench in Chisago City. (Nice jacket, by the way.)

I am awfully damn bored. I might have to blackmail a date tomorrow. I’ll report back on that, too.

So here is my contest! And it is worth getting excited about…

I need followers. So if you find followers for me I will let you direct a theme for a post.  Or maybe a story…or a play!  (One act, please.)  How exciting is that?

I plan to add a new blog, too…maybe something more political and wonkish…but that might take place on Open Salon at I have an account there, but most of my posts should be withdrawn to protect my dignity.

So far I have been writing to only two people: Myself and U No Hoo. That has to change. I drive both of us nuts.


2 thoughts on “Friday Night and a Contest

  1. u no hoo

    no, somebody else drove me nuts. i don’t like the bait for the sales story, because it worked.

    also, it’s true that everybody seems to think they’re an expert on Arizona weather. if i hear the “dry heat” joke one more time I may puke.

    I don’t want to read your political ravings of a madman. i want to read about salesmen. i required all my students to follow me on twitter, and only got one follower! after threatening them with their grades! that’s U No Hoo, by the way, not You No Hoo. Or maybe I could settle for my real name, Yu No Hu.

    I can’t get anybody to follow the themes I’m supposed to be responsible for on my job. i can never get anybody to do what i want without threatening or becoming ugly–on the inside–and spewing it out.

    say, why don’t you do an Ask Tour Guide? Post a link on Facebook and write a few questions yourself, like Joe Orton did to the theater editor of the Times to get people to come to his plays.

    1. Tour Guide Post author

      I like the Ask Tour Guide idea for Facebook. How many Facebook accounts can I have? And how do I sync up multiple identitien one Android smart phone? So many questions…


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