Brideshead Revisited or The Rum Diary?

I thought I might write about tonight’s walk through the neighborhood and the woods.  I have been walking a great deal, so much, in fact, that my feet are painful with blisters and bruises.  I seem to have much on my mind…and so I walk.  And such nice walks, too.

This evening’s highlights include a beautifully calm lake reflecting a late evening blue sky and a family of deer.

Doe and fawn ate quietly, perfectly in the manner of Bambi, an early scene at least, while the buck, about 40 yards distant down the trail, pretended not to care.  Not about the two other deer, not about me, not about anything.

No pictures of the deer.  I need a better camera.

I also thought I might write about the Affordable Care Act, but I would only be repeating endless chatter about that…and be lost.  So I thought I might write about that shameful dingbat, Michele Bachmann, Minnesota’s disgrace, but picking at her stupidity has lost its appeal; there’s no sport in it.  She opens her mouth and it is plain stupid, not even remotely funny any longer.

Bachmann “CRAZE” (Photo credit: Mr_CRO)

Bachmann promised today that repealing “Obamacare” would ensure that the economy would create millions of well-paying jobs.  Really, Michele?  We don’t have Obamacare now, where the hell are the jobs?  Republicans and their endless excuses.  We all grew up with bratty children like this, didn’t we?  Why the hell do we elect them to important public office…or any office, for that matter?  The world needs ditch diggers, after all.

Overall I feel like I am at a crossroads of some sort.  I might be a shade beyond my 39th year, but not dramatically so, and so I thought I might revisit Brideshead Revisited, where our protagonist deals with such a crossroads.  And it is a good read.

Then I thought…what about The Rum Diary, Hunter S. Thompson‘s tale o a man who, as an adult, finds himself with uncertainty.  It is full of drama and a late escape, if I remember correctly.

I doubt either would be a very appropriate model to follow, not in this era or at my stage in life, but it is good to think about.

And guess what I found as I thought about my choices!  A fantastic television series to fill the lack I endure now that I have completed all of the available Columbo episodes and have watched All Creatures Great and Small often enough to be thought strange.

So to hell with any important life decisions in the here and now, we have a wonderful television series to watch.  Advice to my many, many readers, however.  Read Waugh’s novel prior to watching the television series.  I simply think it is key to experience the original before turning to an interpretation.

Let me check back with you later.  I have to get to episode 2 yet tonight.  (There is a movie adaptation of The Rum Diary now, too, right?  Yes, there is…much to do.)

English: Madresfield Court Much of the picturesque moated Madresfield Court is Victorian with some of the Elizabethan building surviving, though the house is on a site of an early building. The house has never been bought or sold and has remained in the same family for twenty-eight generations, some 1,000 years. In the 1930s, the author, Evelyn Waugh was a regular visitor to Madresfield Court, thus providing the inspiration for his book, ‘Brideshead Revisited’. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Still Out of Touch

Fahrenheit 451 (1966 film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Other than browsing newspapers, still no contact with current events, especially via talk radio or television.  A solid week now.  It is a refreshing purge.  Among the topics I am happy to evade is the Vikings Stadium and anything to do with conservatives talking about jobs and the economy.  Are those two of the most tiresome politic “discussions” in recent years or what?  Hardly worth considering when one is engaged anyway…

Ok, ok…let’s back off from that.  I am not thinking about people, politics, and stupidity for a few more days.  I prefer to stay out of touch for just a touch longer.  It is my birthday week, after all, and a little peace has been earned and deserved.

So shall I write about birds and walks in the park again?  How about love and loneliness?  Or love and happiness?  Puppies?  Raunchy sex?  I do like writing about lakes and rivers, but rarely do.  Cows are cool, too.  I’m not sure I have ever written about cows.

I did watch Fahrenheit 451 last night.  I might write about that.  A strange alignment of coincidence tipped me off.  I browsed Ray Bradbury because I had just seen a Columbo episode guest starring Oskar Werner.  I knew Werner starred in a film adaptation of a Bradbury book, but I was going nuts because I could not remember the film.  The more I thought about it, something that should be obvious, the more distant the answer became.  You know this feeling when you do a crossword puzzle and get hung up on the most obvious clue.

Then I checked my WordPress stats and…guess what…I had recorded 451 visitors to A Little Tour in Yellow that day!  Fahrenheit 451!  There is the answer.  Now is that strange or what?  I like the coincidence though.  I am trying to make something of it.

The idea to list all the books shown or mentioned in Fahrenheit 451 and then read them might be one of those inane projects that could catch on in cyberspace, but gathering all the literary references in the film will require many viewings.  I managed to list 44 books.  There are plenty more.  If anyone has a comprehensive list, please share.  I will consider my idea later.

Fahrenheit 451 is a solid film, by the way.  It is science fiction for the masses.  The story is simple and unfolds in a obscurely authoritarian future.  All is neat and orderly…and a bit sedated.  Print doesn’t exist (cartoon strips do, however) and most news and entertainment comes via telescreen walls.  Truly the future.

Oskar Werner plays Montag, a fireman in the future.  Fireman of the future don’t put out fires, they start them.  Specifically, they burn books, because books complicate life with ideas and fantasies.  Books are banned.  Very simple.

Oskar Werner as Guy Montag in the 1966 film version.

Fahrenheit 451 does a lot with this simple story, however.  It is very engaging, moves quickly, and nicely filmed.   I should mention, too, that Francois Truffaut made the film, his only English-language film.

Werner perfectly portrays this confused future.  He’s an odd, distant, and somewhat detached character, just like the world he inhabits.  He is very much out of touch.  He doesn’t watch the telescreens, he doesn’t seem all that interested in news and events.  He simply does his job and worries about his aloof glassy-eyed wife.  Until he discovers books.

So perhaps I am in a Montag transition from being blissfully out of touch to being re-engaged with print and ideas.  There is a utopia at the end of the tracks.  The key is moving ahead.  And reading a good book every now and then should be part of the plan.

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Blood on the Trail

I am not sure what to make of a trail of blood I discovered in Mendota yesterday, so I will attempt to make a lot of it.

I was at the Henry Sibley Historic Site in Mendota.  The old limestone homes of early state settlers and statesmen — like Sibley and Faribault — are located here.  I find it to be a great place to get work done.  Several picnic tables are placed on the shaded lawns and they make a perfect, uncluttered outdoor desk.

Of course whenever one is working, one must also take a break, a line of reasoning I never fail to respect.  The Minnesota River is just across a line of railroad tracks.  A trail runs along the river and I like to walk a mile or so of the trail on my breaks.

Yesterday I noticed a string of bloody drops on Lower D Street (which I think is what it is called, but I remember it as Water Street).  It started from the lawn near where school buses unload children on historical field trips and wandered more or less directly toward the tunnel that passes beneath the railroad tracks.

Judging on the spacing of the spots, I estimate whatever was bleeding, was moving at an even speed, perhaps not too quickly because the spots were round and even, but I don’t really know.

I lost the spots at the tunnel.  A television crew was there and of course I thought I had stumbled upon some crime of some sort only to be disappointed to learn that it was the local public television station on a scheduled shoot.  I chose to keep my discovery to myself, said my hellos, and moved on.

My Mendota Historic Site Outdoor Office

Sure enough — although I was a bit surprised to see it — the trail of blood continued.  It remained more or less consistent with what I could more clearly see on the pavement of D Street.  In fact the trail was so easy to find it wasn’t possible to feel much like a skilled tracker.  Find one dot, look ahead a few feet, find another.  That was about it.

To make it interesting, I let my imagination run.

I presumed whatever was bleeding was fairly large, maybe a large dog…or a person.  A smaller animal surely would have bled out if it were leaving behind half-dollar blotches of blood every few feet over the course of a hundred yards or more.  In the end, this trail would extend to well over a quarter mile.  Every time I found another stain, I figured I had to be near the end, but I tracked the trail under the Mendota Bridge and then far down the trail to a point where it turns into some river bottom woods.

I’ll admit getting anxious a few times.  The spots looked relatively wet and fresh, sticky wet.  I regret — just a bit now — that I didn’t touch a spot.  A real tracker would have done this.  More than once blood had fallen on a leave and that could have easily been picked up and inspected.  I didn’t do this either.  I just too photos.

Blood on the Trail

I began to worry about what I might find if I reached the end of the trail.  I really didn’t want to see a suffering animal or even a suffering man for that matter.  But I couldn’t really stop tracking either, could I?

As I thought more about the trail I started to draw more definitive conclusions.  I didn’t see any animal tracks near the blood stains because whatever it was seemed to stay clear of puddles and mud.  It struck me as odd enough that an animal would stay on a clear trail if it were wounded.  A wild animal, I concluded, wouldn’t do this.  Perhaps a dog would.

But would a dog avoid mud?  No dog I ever had avoided mud.

And the spots stayed clear and strong.  Must have been a big animal.

So I concluded I was tracking a wounded person, someone who didn’t want to hide in the brush or get his Bruno Magli’s dirty.  (Where is O. J. anyway?)  This made me nervous, too.  What if I found a badly wounded hobo or abused lover?  Still I pressed on…

(This would have been so much more exciting at night, by the way, but as a practical matter, finding and tracking spots of blood on a trail might not work as easily in the dark.)

Anyone reading this blog recently knows that I  am a Columbo fan.  I started playing Columbo and wondered how often Columbo got nervous.  I was in a suit, but lacked the raincoat and cigar, mistakes I won’t make again.  Still, it occurred to me that a desperate criminal might mistaken me — yes, me! — as a police detective on the hunt.  I liked the sense of danger it added to my search…

I liked it until I heard a lot of thrashing in the shrubs immediately next to me!  I looked down and to my horror, the blood trailed backed up!  Whatever I was trailing appears to have stopped at this spot and stood for a moment.  Oh, god…what I had I found?  Nothing.  Squirrels chasing in the underbrush.  And to my relief the trail resumed a few feet ahead of me.

As you can guess, this went on and I managed to survive.  It went on for more than a quarter mile as I have mentioned where…poof…it stopped.  And it ended in a strange place.  The trail divides a cattail marsh, not really the best place for man or beast to get off the trail, but the blood stopped there.  I looked around, even pushed aside some grasses and brush to get a better view.  Nothing.  And no track in the marshy dirt near the trail either.

So I took a leak against a giant nearby basswood tree that I like and figured the hunt was over.

Walking back to my car I felt a little disappointed, but no less curios.  There they were plain to see, dot after dot of blood.  A mystery.

When I got back to my car a woman was getting ready for a jog.  I decided to play up the Columbo bit a little.  I leaned over in the middle of D Street with my camera and snapped some photos before standing and scratching my chin and shaking my head.  I even tapped the side of my nose in as thoughtful of a way as I could.

I opened my car door, pulled out my laptop, and tapped some nonsense into a client database I have, hoping she might think I was checking a police report, obviously.  I even said:  Good day, ma’am” as I expected Columbo might.

I think she thought I was nuts and was happy to have had been wearing running shoes.  She quickly jogged down the road and disappeared through the tunnel and onto the trail that tracks the blood.  I wonder if she noticed it.

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Siegfried Farnon or Lieutenant Columbo?

Siegfried Farnon (Robert Hardy)

Even at my age, it isn’t a bad idea to have a role model; perhaps especially at my age.  It is always good to step back and take a look at things, assess your weaknesses and opportunities.  All things considered, in my case  a role model seems like an especially good idea.

I have two candidates, both very suitable for the task.

On the one hand I present the urbane country gentleman Siegfried Farnon from the BBC television series All Creatures Great and Small.  On the other is the scruffy and self-effacing Lieutenant Columbo, iconic NBC Sunday Mystery Movie mainstay from the 1970s.  I challenge you to find two better choices.   (Mother Theresa and Ghandi don’t count, unless you’re a beauty pageant queen.)

Interestingly, for all their differences, Columbo and Siegfried are remarkably similar.  Even apparent differences are little more than differences in style, rather than substance.  It makes me wonder if the difference isn’t entirely cultural.  Farnon English, Columbo American.  A comparison between the two reveals a lot. They  are like opposite sides of the same coin.

• Siegfried acts as if he knows more than he knows.  Columbo acts as if he knows less than he knows.
• Columbo has one dog.  Siegfried has several.
• Both men wear a suit to work, but Siegfried has a tailor.
• Columbo has one suit.  Siegfried has several.
• Siegfried has bad memory.  Columbo remembers everything.
• Both men drive old beat up cars, although Farnon upgrades as times get better.
• Siegfried is a better talker than listener.  Columbo listens better than he talks.
• Siegfried drinks frequently.  Columbo doesn’t drink…much.
• Columbo smokes cheap cigars.  Siegfried smokes a nice pipe.

The list can go on and on and on.  Both characters possess charm and panache.  Both are very adept at life and would make a wonderful role model.  So which should I choose?

Lt. Frank Columbo (Peter Falk)

I’m tempted to make a choice based on lifestyle and wardrobe, but I don’t want to brag about my tastes.  Besides I think there is a better way to compare and evaluate these two potential role models.  The comparison should be made on the very subtle way each relates to other people.  I will argue that Siegfried pushes and Columbo pulls.

Siegfried Farnon, the middle aged country veterinarian possesses wisdom beyond his years and has charisma to match.  And yet he remains very much like a child.  Forgetful, mischievous, and somewhat irresponsible.  Thus he must be the leader, pushing and dominating.  He’s everyone’s older brother and has that sort of paternal, clubby respect that we think of when we think of gentlemen.  Farnon is a sophisticated wit, a full voice, and a charming eccentric.

Not to be outdone, Columbo also is a charming eccentric.  Columbo, however, backs into his relationships with people.  He minimizes himself, retreats, and is careful to stay a rung or two below his subject.  He’s a master of deception, obviously, and in this way he pulls people to him.  He is disarming as much as he is charming, but he doesn’t necessarily put people at ease.  He is more nuisance than comfort.  But by appearing unkempt and inept, he invites people to make mistakes and he draws out the truth behind their personality.

And Columbo is super man.  Let’s face it, Columbo solves the crime as soon as he arrives on the scene.  Every time!  It is a standard that can only happen in 68 episodes of network television and make any sense.  And that’s key.  Columbo is full on entertainment.  It doesn’t try to be anything else.

Even a passive Columbo viewer knows what every fan knows.  Columbo has figured out the crime before the first commercial break.  So where’s the suspense?  There really isn’t any in Columbo.  You don’t worry that a criminal might get away.  That won’t happen.  There is very little danger or mystery in the Columbo series.  What there is instead is the interesting interpersonal dynamic of Columbo picking apart and reassembling the clues he needs to prove his suspicion.  It is brilliant!

So who do I pick as role model?  Siegfried Farnon, of course.  He’s more real world.  He dresses better, too.  But let’s face it, Columbo simply is a little too slick in a crime-solving sort of way.  Even though he pretends to know nothing, he knows everything.  He doesn’t mess up, he only looks messy.

Columbo is not the kind of role model a guy like me needs.  No sir.  A more flawed character is a more appropriate match.  Siegfried Farnon, for all of his refinement, is a very human character.  He is successful despite himself.  He drinks, smokes, has a temper.  In episode one it is suggested that he has a girlfriend, whom he left waiting due to his poor memory.  (This seems to be a well-established Siegfried characteristic.)  His book keeping is a mess and he stores his cash in a silver cup on the fireplace mantel.

Siegfried is perpetually happy and optimistic, however; for Siegfried Farnon, attitude drives everything.  An exuberant, forward thinking approach to life simply rolls over any troubles an inconvenient habit might cause.  He’s Siegfried Farnon and he isn’t going to wait for you to figure that out.  I kind of like that.

Best of all, Siegfried style isn’t easy.  One is born with characteristics and opportunities with which one must make the most of.  So it is good — it is imperative — that you aspire to someone who makes the very most of a lot.  No taking good fortune or bad for granted, and no ditching responsibility.  Siegfried sticks his chin out, shrugs off mistakes, and marches forward.  That is your role model.

Now I do indeed like Columbo.  Don’t get me wrong.  He’s just a little too good at what he does.  I have no choice but to look forward to a failure or two.  Columbo record is too solid for me.  He’s entertainment.

Farnon’s a way of life.

 

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Columbo and Sales

Lt. Columbo. LAPD.

If you are in sales, please go watch an episode or two of Columbo.

I decided this morning that it might be fun to model my sales calls after Columbo.  (What is Columbo’s first name, by the way?  They must use it in the show, but I haven’t a clue.  Salvatorre or something like that, I’ll bet.) 

Columbo has a knack for hanging around and getting what he wants.  He always prevails in the end and that’s what we want as sales people, right?  More importantly, he gets his adversary to shrug and say…you got me, Columbo, you are right.

Also keep in mind that Columbo is right.  Always.  No innocent has ever gone to the chair on Columbo’s watch.  The show is simple.  The good guys and bad guys are set from the beginning of each episode.  There is no mystery there.  What makes the show fascinating is Columbo’s skill in making the bad guy admit that he is the bad guy.  The “gotcha”.   Perfect agreement and buy-in every time.

In a way, that’s what sales is.  The Gotcha.  But it isn’t gotcha in a swindle kind of way…or at least it shouldn’t be…it is a gotcha in the good way, in the Columbo way. 

When I sell my advertising, I have to remind my clients that they want to generate an extra million dollars in revenue next year.  I can’t run in there slap him around like some Dirty Harry punk detective, I need to go in all out Columbo style.  You need to lay it out, step by step, for your client.  This is who you are and this is where you are going to be.  The nice thing about sales is you’re not trying to send a guy to Sing Sing, you’re trying to help him keep his business afloat!

So go watch Columbo.  I’m not going to spend a lot time here explaining why and giving you a big sales pitch.  Just do it.

(Hey…Just do it!  That’s kind of catchy.)