Me, My Dell, and My Nerves...

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Soon my horrible relationship with my Dell Studio laptop will end.  It is only a matter of time until I take this thing and smash it into a million little pieces, like some hack writer’s concocted thesis of despair.  In fact, the only thing keeping me from smashing this computer right here and now is my concern for the environment.  I worry about the toxic metals that would be strewn all about my neighborhood.  I care about the little rabbits and squirrels that play in the grass and the raccoons that raid my garbage.  Otherwise I would blubbering, raving lunatic on the front lawn right now, bloodied by shards of broken plastic and circuits.  And I would be free.

Only a short 70 minutes ago I thought it would be nice to enjoy a Halloween tradition and watch Jack Clayton‘s The Innocents (1961), starring Deborah Kerr and filmed by Freddie Francis.  (I know Freddie Francis, but not that one.)  Oh, what a wonderfully moody, spooky film.  I think even Harold Pinter had something to do with this film, Truman Capote, too.  When I dream of Victorian madness, I dream in innocence!…so to speak.  And I like it.  In fact, I like it much better than The Turn of the Screw, the Henry James novel upon which the film is supposed to be based.

So tonight I was ready to go.  I had my hot chocolate and pumpkin bread set out and I opened my windows to invite gusts of cold autumn wind.  (Maybe a door would slam shut!)

But then my mother effing (sorry) Dell Studio laptop started acting up.  Rather than do what I asked, the insolent heap of lithium poisoned gim-gams gummed up and stopped working.  Rather than watching creepy Miles taunt Miss Giddens under the watchful eyes of ghosts, I got to watch that damn spinning blue ring that taunts Vista users.  A very, very bad situation, indeed.

So now, of course, I am too worked up to watch The Innocents.  My head hurts and my hot chocolate is cold.  I’m too angry to be scared, anyway.  Which actually leads to a useful bit of advice.  If you’re in a frightening situation, just get angry.  Anger trumps fear every time.  (In my case I just think about Republicans and I become fearless.)

But back again to me, my Dell, and my nerves…each is spent and shot…and yet hope exists.  Now that I have had time to reflect upon my anger, my anger has subsided just a bit.  And I swear the wind is kicking up a little outside.  Perhaps now I can resume the night…

I will report back again later.

(Note to self:  Get more hot chocolate from the office break room.)

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