Why I Hate People

Exhibit A

Human beings are very neurotic animals…or should I say homo sapiens are very neurotic animals?  What should you call people?  Is something wrong with “people”?  And does it matter?  Should homo sapiens be capitalized like “Homo Sapiens” and if you’re asking a question like the one I just asked should I capitalize homo sapiens and then ask if it is correct as is or leave it lower case and see if it gets corrected or not?  I don’t really know, but it is all beside the point because I’m mostly concerned with pointing out that people – human beings or homo sapiens – are inherently neurotic beasts and that makes for some difficulties for a salesman out swinging doors and glad handing.  Are you following me?

Let’s move on.

Sometimes getting along with a neurotic animal, especially if that animal is people, can be very challenging.  Think about it.  People, and people alone in the animal kingdom, get crazy attempting to live the non-crazy life.  They live the in denial, under a myth of self-determination and rational living.  And the biggest offenders are attorneys.

Sorry legal people, but I have had just about enough.  Making your way through the cliques and courses of law school does not erase an innate social neurosis that borders on full out sociopathic psychosis.  Playing grown up doesn’t make you one.

I have formed the opinion that there is a certain amount of mental disconnect necessary to effectively pull off a legal career.  I doubt that it was always this way.  (c.f., Perry Mason.)  But if I run into one more petulant Little Lord Fauntleroy feigning maturity and intelligence merely because he has set himself up in a little office with soft music and a nice pen set, I just might give up the sales profession for good and enroll in law school for myself!

You Got A Problem?

Sales people are, after all, among the best of the pretenders.  We play act every day.  But the difference is we actually like helping people and often have good ways to do just that.  The law profession could use a little sales integrity.

All right…I’ll stop with the cynical generalities, but it is true that among the most frustrating people to deal with on a professional level are attorneys, closely followed by other “professionals” such as doctors, dentists, and veterinarians.

I work by the rule that if a business does business on appointments, I’ll try to set an appointment to meet with the client or prospect.  (A business that does business on a walk-in basis, I’ll walk in.)  But somewhere along the line a professional disconnect often occurs.

Two points to make here.  First, even attorneys might benefit from some information and advice.  They might even benefit from some professional services that they cannot do for themselves.  A touch of humility paired with an open mind could be a good thing.

Second, you are not the only professionals trying to manage a career.  Sales people have schedules to maintain and goals to achieve.  Respect that.  We also appreciate being treated as professionals, respectfully and honestly.  Don’t jerk us around!

The next post will return to Sweet Lake or a similar place.  I like places.

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Was That a Wolf?

A Coyote, Not a Wolf

 

Nope.     

After doing a little research, I am confident that the animals we heard Saturday night at Sweet Lake were coyotes, not wolves.  And the animal that we saw on the hill behind Uncle Ed’s cabin also was a coyote and not a wolf.  I have photos of prints I found on a trail back in the woods and the animal we saw on the hill had reddish fur on his face.  The size of the prints and the coloring on the coyote on this hill both are consistent with a coyote.      

Some locals complain that there are too many wolves in the area now.  Not long ago no wolves roamed the area.  The comeback is fantastic…and I would argue necessary.  A lot of what wolves eat run through the woods.  Deer practically infest the woods today.  I might argue that more food means more wolves and I am not sure that is a bad thing.     

Coyote Tracks. Sweet Lake.

 

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Wooly Bear Caterpillar

Wooly Bear Caterpillar

 

A short detour from Sweet Lake…and a prolonged detour from sales talk, for that matter. 

I stopped at Sunfish Lake Park in Lake Elmo today, a favorite of mine.  Tucked away off of Highway 5 in Lake Elmo, this park rarely attracts more than another explorer or two.  It is a favorite with local horseback riders and the employees of the county highway department. 

For my part, I like the quiet trails that wend through woods and fields along little ponds and wetlands.  An old wire fence divides part of the southern boundary of the park from an old farm that is now — sadly — being developed.  Usually at this time of the year clusters of wild grapes grow along the fence line, but this year the crop does not measure up to much.  A big disappointment.  Wild grapes are a real treat.  

I did see some wildlife including something that either was a small fox or a very healthy squirrel, a hawk, and deer that just wanted to be left alone; my walk seemed homed in on the poor deer’s location.  It would just get up and lope off into the woods again.  If a deer can look annoyed, this deer looked annoyed. 

Then I saw the Wooly Bear Caterpillar.  I love Wooly Bears.  And this Wooly Bear looked especially healthy and robust.  You can find many, many professional photos of Wooly Bears on the net.  (See above.)  But I, naturally, thought I could get a better one.  I learned that isn’t so easy.  First off, try giving stage directions to a caterpillar.  When I saw the caterpillar it moved with bold and beautiful determination.  When I found a place for it to move on a more flattering stage…well, look at the picture. 

Sleepy Wooly Bear

 

The next thing learned about Wooly Bear Caterpillars is something about patience.  Wooly Bears have more patience than I do.  That thing stayed curled up for five minutes, long enough for me to go into the woods and visit Mrs. Murphy, but I opted to stay and wait instead.  Bad idea.  I waited and waited and waited.  The caterpillar?  I am convinced he fell asleep.  Looks comfy, doesn’t he? 

Back to Sweet Lake and Sweet Lake Part 2 next… 

Sweet Lake Weekend, Pt 1

          

My apologies for the delayed posts.  I have been goofing off.  Like you, I am a bit bored with tiresome sales stories and even more tiresome clients.  So let’s take a little adventure north and visit Sweet Lake.  This post will give you a brief lay-of-the-land kind of overview of the place.  I have more to say when we stroll, explore, and goof around more.  (What happens when you put a decades-old gas can on a bonfire, for example.)          

Sweet Lake is a small spring fed lake in northwest Wisconsin.  My family has had property on the lake for over 30 years.  Prior to that we stayed at resorts on Upper Eau Clair and Middle Eau Claire lakes on the same chain of lakes with Sweet Lake.  There have been many changes — some of the small cabins on our side of the lake have been lost and replaced by larger homes — but for the most part Sweet Lake is very much like it has always been.  Clean, quiet, and understated.  It is a brilliant little treasure in the north woods.          

Autumn is a wonderful time to visit the lake, perhaps the best time to visit the lake.  The air is crisp, dry, clean.  The air smells sweet and earthy.  And the forests are alive and beginning to turn.  If you don’t see wildlife, you hear it, although our list of spotted wildlife was fairly impressive:  Countless birds, deer, a black bear (hanging at a DNR big game registration station), and what appeared to be a coyote sniffing through drying ferns and blueberry bushes.  It might have been a wolf — they are in the area — in fact late at night a group of coyotes — or maybe wolves — made quite a racket calling and yelping in a pack not far in the woods behind us.          

What I like most about autumn at the lake, however, is the quiet beautiful change.  There isn’t anything about the fall season that a person can complain about.  Even the coming cold feels right (28 degrees at our last check before rolling out blankets and sleeping bags for the night).  Most people prefer summer at the lake, but a person can do everything they want to do in the summer during the fall and enjoy all the extra benefits the season brings.           

My uncle has a great old cabin on Sweet Lake.  I’ll guess it is about 70 years old and is loaded with character.  Unlike so many hideous “cabins” being built today, this one still has a lot of charm.  It is a real cabin.  I have better pictures of the cabin, unfortunately none of them was taken this last weekend.           

Uncle Ed's Cabin

 

The cabin was part of an old resort; it was the resort owner’s cabin.  Inside the cabin are many artificats from the old resort.  Stacks of old dishes, a row of stove top perculating cofeemakers, and a treasure of old books and pamphlets and things.           

My family has a large lot on the lake just a short walk down the road from my uncle’s cabin.  We are at the other end of the old resort on the last piece of undeveloped property.  It is a wide piece of lake frontage that runs very deep into the woods.           

We have a building plot ready, but for now a sturdy camper, an outhouse, and a fire ring work well on the property.  There’s a dock on the water and a couple small boats.  A large boat isn’t necessary.  The lake is only 88 acres large.          

Simple, Functional, and a Great View

 

In the Sweet Lake area we have access to an assortment of northern Wisconsin bars, which — for the uninitiated – can be a challenge.  Bars in Wisconsin are indeed friendly for the most part, but be prepared to drink beer and possibly some of the most horrible liquor ever concocted for unknown reasons.  It is just what they do.          

We also have a few restaurants (usually attached to or surrounded by a bar) to enjoy.  Generally these are quite good.  Can’t really say that about our recent visit, however; the regular staff must have been tied up in the basement.  Nevertheless these places are extremely comfortable and traditional.           

And we have options for groceries, batteries, bait and things.  We opt for Jim’s Bait and have for more than 30 years.  And it has been about as long since we purchased any bait.  Can’t say a heck of a lot about the fishing because the lake is more like a swimming pool than fishing hole, but people do catch fish.  In fact we have this somewhat gruesome reminder that fish do indeed lurk in the crystal clear waters of Sweet Lake.  We have our own Kurtz with his Heart of Darkness moments and a sense of the macabre on our row of cabins.           

Sweet Lake Monsters

 

 My brother, two cousins along with a friend of theirs, and Uncle Ed spent a short weekend at the lake to get things ready for the winter.  It left us with plenty of time to clear some brush, build a fire, and drink some beer.  Not a bad way to spend a spectacular late-September weekend.  The skies were absolutely brilliant and blue, with only wisps of clouds here and there.  Perfect weather for viewing the fall colors, which were nearly at peak on the county highway immediately south of the lake.    

We had plenty of opportunity for fun and I want to take you on a walking tour, but right now I feel like Jack Nicholson post-lobotomy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.  But I do want  to take you on that tour and I believe I can load up a photo gallery.  Be excited!   

Until then…sleep well.

Aliens will have to wait

I wanted to tell everyone about the aliens I encountered while walking to the bar Sunday, 

Warren Mitchell as Willy Loman

 

but that will have to wait. Right now I am losing my mind and this is an important experience to share.  It is an essential sales moment. 

Here’s how it adds up.  First, my car is in the garage for some seasonal maintenance and a host of other issues, things like a busted windshield fluid pump.  Other than paying for the work, I enjoy having things done to the car.  It isn’t a glamorous vehicle, but I am proud to keep it out of a scrap heap and it serves me well.  Car repairs also mean time for coffee shop sitting.  It is a forced break from swinging doors and forcing myself on ornery business owners.  That in itself is a positive. 

But the coffee shop is uncomfortable and I am having other issues besides…my phone is unable to get a decent signal here at Caribou, for example.  Not always a big deal, but today I actually want — and need — to make some calls.  In particular, I need to call my company’s technical support team because my company-issued Dell tablet is busted.  We entered the “paperless” environment this summer which means not having a computer really cuts into what a guy can do during the day.  Generally car repair days are opportunities for me to comb through my accounts online and make a few calls to scofflaws and the like.  Today I am only calling tech support and getting dropped calls when I do. 

Add to that a manager who keeps calling while I am on minute 15 of my tech support hold and a guy might snap. 

So I put the computer — the broken company computer– aside and decided to decompress with A Little Tour In Yellow Post.  Writing about the frustration sometimes makes it all feel a little better, but then I start to think more amount the delays.  Delays cost money.  No sales today, most likely, and no sales tomorrow.  (We’re going to a Minnesota Twins baseball game.)  A couple days without sales chisels away at the next week’s paycheck.  It is hard to write away that problem. 

WWWLD  What would Willy Loman Do?  Oh…wait.  Never mind. 

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Crows

Real Crows Look Like This Too

 

There is a crow outside my window now on a branch just yards from me.  He is making quite a racket, an amazing racket.  So much more than the caw, caw, caw people know and expect.  This crow is clucking, purring, and even seems to sing.  Just a moment ago I heard a grinding giggling sound followed by a clicking sound then his full-throated caw, caw caw.  Some of the caws sound nasally, but how could a crow have a nasally call?         

Whatever this crow is doing, it is working if he’s trying to attract attention.  I hear other crows now making grinding barking cawing sounds.  Still others in the distance, maybe circling above.  I like crows.  I especially like crows in the fall of the year when they alone seem alive on a dead grey afternoon.  It is very reassuring to have them around screaming the way they do.          

I remember one of my first experiences of crows.  I was very young at my grandparents’ house on a late autumn day.  Parents let children play outdoors alone back then, even very young boys like me, and my grandmother wrapped me up extra tight against the cold and advised me that I might find other children down the block and out I went.         

But I didn’t find any other children;  I just walked down the street.  It was cold, a dry crisp cold.  I can’t say for certain what it was, but I remember a scent in the air that was bitter and sharp.  Perhaps an old coal furnace still burned down by the river and the scent of it lingered up into our neighborhood.          

What really stands out in this memory, though, are the crows.  They circled above the church at the end of the block and littered a large bare tree that stood frozen and still on the boulevard there.  Against the flat grey sky the crows looked like drops of ink spattered here and there.  Their absolutely distinct silhouettes fascinated me.  The crows were sharp and alive, but had absolutely no depth or detail.  I must have stood on the sidewalk looking at those crows for nearly all of the time I was out of the house.  They were beautiful to look at and before I turned to go back to the house, I wondered where the crows would go that night.          

The crows outside my window have left.  Here and gone!         

Things to Tell Your Friends

Little Girls Put This in Their Blogs

 

We all have friends, right?  Even a salesman has a friend or two so I am guessing you do too.  Today’s feature highlights little tips that would make the lowly life of a premise salesman a bit more pleasant and productive.  Your charge is to spread the word with the hope that it eventually reaches the ears of someone responsible for buying advertising for a business.  So let’s get started.              

Tip #1:  Don’t be a Moron.              

This might appear simple and silly, but it is the best place to start.  Seriously.  It isn’t enough to think you’re fabulous and bright, you have to make some effort to appear fabulous and bright.  Your blank stare and gaping mouth doesn’t tell us much about the imagined refinement you have playing in your little brain.  If nothing else, please pretend….pretend that you have some professional polish and perhaps a twinkle of intelligence.               

Don't Prejudge...Often a Gold Mine

 

Arranging a meeting and forgetting about it, for example, does not justify kicking tools in your empty garage while you scream about how unbelievably busy you are.  Just grow up.               

Tip #2:  Remember the Golden Rule.              

Sure, you’re busy.  But so is a salesman.  You have a business to run.  So does a salesman.  You appreciate being treated with respect.  So does a salesman.  You get the point.              

Tip #3:  Remember, it is business.              

The key thing here is to be direct and honest, but don’t take things personally.  Too often egos and insecurity get in the way of making smart decisions; it gets in the way of just being open to a business transaction.  That’s a mistake and it can be a costly one.  Just give us our time and talk with us.       

If we stay focussed on business relevant to our meeting, being direct shouldn’t be hard to do.  Making us dance around irrelevant issues or issues that really don’t exist is as frustrating as threading a needle in the dark.  Sales people spend a lot of time asking questions and fact-finding because you make it a game.  How are we supposed to give you the right proposal if you don’t give us the right information?  This is common sense, but too many decision makers flip on the moron switch and that makes things miserable for everyone.  Keep this in mind…as the decision maker, you ultimately control the call.  Make it a good call.              

Tip #4:  Don’t waste our time.              

Really a corollary to Tip #3, remember this is a business and making social calls isn’t really helping any of us build our business.  The biggest sin you can commit, even worse than missing an appointment, is calling us out for a meeting to deliver and then tell us you changed your mind.  Maybe people will disagree with me on this one, but over the summer it wasn’t uncommon to spend an hour preparing contracts and then spend another hour driving 50 miles to be told that they had changed their minds about advertising.  I don’t need to waste half a day to know that!               

Tip #5:  You’re an expert at what you do, but not an expert at everything…              

Give your sales professional some credit.  He or she has a lot of experience working with with businesses.  You pull teeth, you probably don’t research AdWord trends.  Listen to a professional in another field.  You might learn something.  You might even help your business.              

Tip #6:  Learn about ROI              

One more tip and then I’m done.  But this is a big one.  Learn how investments work.  Know what investing in assets can do.               

Sometimes You Want to Kill Them

 

 Understand diversification.  But learn how to calculate return on investment and understand how a positive return is good for your business.               

I have sat across a table of sharply dressed professionals who have said they agreed that they were making money working with me, but they had not choice but to cut their contract with me because they had to cut expenses.  This happens, without exaggeration, several times a week.              

Now…of course, perhaps I should be doing my job better.  Who knows?  There is no excuse for this kind of cognitive disconnect, but sometimes you just can’t get beyond this ingrained misunderstanding of what profits mean to a business.  You would think it were obvious, but … apparently … it is not.              

Bonus Tip:  For a Business, Profits are Good.  (See Tip #6 above.)    

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Just for fun…temporarily

Just posting a picture for a friend.  Enjoy it while you can.  

Egg Toss Winner

Friday Afternoon and Market Close

A new set of projects and markets kicks off on Monday.  Today should have been a nice harvest of the efforts made in the preceding weeks, but it really didn’t turn out that way.  The summer ended with a bit of a thud.  There will be plenty to say about that over the weekend.       

Windshield Time

 

Right now I am in the mood to put it all behind me and relax.  Ditch the inconsiderate clients, and the today wasn’t all that bad.  Really it isn’t bad at all.  Consider what I get to do…I drive around the beautiful countryside.  If I see a business that I think I might want to contact, I pull over and do that.  Today I focused on places with activity, guys standing around talking at a garage, for example.  Stopping in and making an introduction during a neighborly chat isn’t such a bad way to get things done.       

And I stopped at parks and lakes again.  Stopped to look at cows, too, and an orange cat.  Pulled over to check out an old barn foundation (which attracted the attention of local law enforcement) and skipped rocks in a big pond.  I really wanted to stop into a bar and have a drink mostly to see who was in the bar midday, but I couldn’t be sure that I might not need to see a client later in the afternoon.  As it turns out I had nothing to worry about.     

Today was one of those beautiful murky days.  A little rain early otherwise just thick grey clouds hanging low over the land.  I like that.  In a few weeks days like today will offer even more to enjoy.  Fall colors look just as wild and bright on a dark cloudy day as they do on bright sunny days.  I like both.       

Early Autumn Roadside

 

Next week I move a little closer to the city and deal with a different clientele.  I will miss all the small towns and rural routes, but the opportunity to deal with larger accounts and more … well, more refined clients…that will be worth it.  Don’t misunderstand me, there are plenty of flawed prospects in the city, more than I care to count, but I won’t have to drive 50 miles to discover just how bad of a lead they turn out to be.  Plenty of guys who are all hat and no cattle in the city, too.      

A few things I’ve learned out here.  First, I think I might rather drive 50 miles from the countryside to the city to meet clients rather than the other way around.  Second, stick to your rules, believe your instincts.  And third…there’s gotta be a better way to make a living!  Although I guess that isn’t something you learn as much as it is something you accept.      

With that in mind, I think my other project needs a little attention…right after a late afternoon nap.      

I’ll add more stories, tips, and ideas in a following post.  Come back for another visit and visit often.

Update

Kind of Makes You Think of Agent Cooper

 

Yesterday was a good day and I argued that the best thing to do after a good day is to forget about it.  Get out and work with extra enthusiasm.  That’s what I did today.  The results?   

Well, not so bad.  About half as good as yesterday, but half as good as yesterday is still much better than what had been an average day for the last several weeks.  Plus I expect some of today’s efforts might pay off with a strong finish tomorrow.  So the strategy seems to have paid off!    

I started the morning with a quick barrage of calls.  There was a long list of stragglers that needed to be pushed.  Now is the time to get off the fence.  You’re either in or your out.  (Most were out.)  It was a good move to get the calls out of the way.  The heart of the day was set up with appointments.  And that paid off.  Got a great sales and met some interesting people.   

In fact I’ve decided that Lindstrom, MN, might not be a bad place to end up.  The old folks are quirky in a good way.  I broke my 70 Rule today, in fact, and really don’t regret it.    

I met an old well digger.  I had been chasing him for two weeks and a few days ago he finally agreed to meet with me.  We met at a little restaurant in Center City, MN, just down the road from Lindstrom.  It is the kind of place where daily specials include a hamburger and a malt for $3.95 or a steak plate for $7.95.  Coffee is still less than a $1 a cup…unfortunately at only $1 a cup it is still overpriced.  Not so good.  The place had some charm, though, even with glaring flourescent lighting.    

The old well digger was an interesting guy.  It took him a while to warm up.  He didn’t hide his awkwardness.  He just stared at me, completely unresponsive.  I don’t think he was listening at all.  He was watching.  He was looking for signs.  He was assessing me.    

Finally one of his buddies came over and offered his help:  “Hey, Andy.  How are you?  Don’t buy any of that.  It doesn’t do a lick of good.”   

Believe it or not, I was grateful for the interruption.  The well digger wasn’t responding.  He was just sitting.  Staring.  With the other old guy in the conversation, I had something almost like a dialogue to explore.  Rather than talk to the well digger,  I talked to his friend instead.  Eventually the well digger’s friend went back to the coffee counter to rejoin his friends and I was alone with well digger.   

The well digger opened up.  He explained that he had drilled thousands of wells in the are and was essentially retired.  He wasn’t renewing his licenses and leaving most of his business to his son, a man he said had never drilled a well.  (He didn’t seem overly proud of his son.  His son, it turned out, is a client of mine.)  I quickly begin to wonder why this guy agreed to meet with me.  Perhaps he likes to stare at a stranger while he sips bad coffee.  I have no idea.  The well digger started to ramble and restated the few facts he had over and over.  (He drilled thousands of wells…)  But I liked him.  He seemed purely genuine and sincere.  He agreed to meet with me because I asked him to meet with me.  It was that simple.  No expectations beyond that.  So I met a nice well digger, a man who had drilled thousands of wells, and there is nothing bad about that.